Sarging online: my advice

I confess to being relatively new to the game, but I am the founder and manager of a very popular online dating website and thus would like to share some advice and guidance with you on the topic of sarging on the internet. I hope people will add their own comments to this.

Basic points:

Sarging online isn't all that different to sarging in real-life. The same techniques can be applied, but need tweaking.

In 99% of cases, rather obviously, you're dealing with one-sets, which means we need to plan our approach carefully.

Lairs:

Broadly speaking, the best places to sarge online fall into two categories: online networking sites, and online dating sites. There are pros and cons to each:

Online dating sites:

Pros:

Women are

• already primed to be sarged and are actively looking for men
• Women are more responsive to your approach
• Women almost always outnumber men
• Women are generally of a higher quality than the men on such sites, which makes it easy for a well-presented guy to succeed.
• Women tend to keep their online presence secret, so you can use the same techniques on lots of women without them finding out

Cons:

• Women tend to be - on the whole - of a lower quality than in real life. Everyone tries dating sites once, but some women linger on dating sites because they have an issue somewhere in their life: either looks, personality or neediness
• The best sites charge to use them
• Dating sites vary significantly in quality and outside of the big 3 sites the smaller sites have very few members

Online networking sites:

Pros:

• Women are already primed to meeting men
• Embarrasingly easy to approach

Cons:

• Higher male/female bias than dating sites
• Such sites can attract a lot of sleazy, creepy guys which creates an aura of cynicism amongst the women towards the men
• The popularity of online networking sites means that they are less intimate than dating websites, which means women tend not to respond to approaches with such fervour.

1. Best sites to visit

These are just my personal views, so feel free to add your comments:

MySpace.com

Huge, online networking site - huge US bias but gaining ground in Europe, particularly the UK. On the plus side, it's easy to search for targets, but on the down side it sometimes feels frustratingly kitsch, takes ages to load and it's enormous popularity means that its members tend not to progress from meeting online to meeting in real-life.

You search for people under the 'Browse' option (not 'Search') and then refine it down under the advanced tab.

Facebook.com

The 8th most visited site on the entire web (it is reported), this is a massive online networking site that has a more professional focus than MySpace, linking people by university and school. People tend to log onto it for social recognition rather than to actually meet people, so it's less effective than MySpace.

Faceparty.com

This, for me, is the best of the three, because it falls halfway between an online networking site and an online dating website. Unlike MySpace and Facebook, faceparty.com doesn't have any feature for listing all your friends publically, which moves the focus from social proof to personal satisfaction. Easy to search, full of adventurous women and easy to sarge.

The best of the rest:

Match.com, linkedin.com, datingdirect.co.uk, freedating.co.uk, adultfriendfinder.com, friendfinder.com.

Basic principles that apply to all sites:

I've found these basic guidelines are appropriate no matter which site you use:

1. Make your profile stand out.

Say something unusual or interesting about yourself. The standard TMM rules work here: peacock online either with an outrageous photo, or an outrageous claim about yourself: For your job, list Secret Agent, Pimp, or something crazy. If asked to list your salary, always choose the option that says I'd rather not say' (targets always think it's confidentially large than embarrasingly low).

2. Always, always, always add a photo.

If you do, you're guaranteed so much more attention from women. Put yourself in their uncomfortable high-heel and impractical shoes: would you want to see a guy whose appearance is unknown? Put your best photo online.

If you don't want to be seen online or are worried about getting spotted, try a photo of the back of your head, or something that shoes your body outline (if you're slim). In all photos, try and get one with other people surrounding you (social proof).

3. Keep some elements of your profile deliberately vague

Why list your religion, drinking habits, desire to have children or living status when you know that people can use these attributes to narrow their searches? Keep your profile as wide-reaching as possible without sacrificing your USP (unique selling point).

4. Photos

The same rules for photos apply online as in real life - upload photos to your site that show off the aspects of your character you want to reveal. Good ones include exotic holidays, photos surrounded by lots of friends, party photos...etc. For dating sites, I would go one further and add an intimate photo of you (not with a woman) perhaps in an intimate restaurant, candlelit etc. Show your softer side as a masquerade.

Some site-specific guidelines:

1. Facebook groups

If you have a wingman in real life, use him online. It surprises me how many people target the online dating sites on their own. Pool resources and set up facebook appreciation groups for each other. It's an extension of social proof: create your own network of friends and build 'The Damage Appreciation Society' or whatever your name is. People visiting online networking sites will always want to be with the guy who has a large group of friends. You're cool, so show it.

Alternatively, vary this theme a little and call your group something loaded: 'Join this group if you've pulled Damage' (obviously, don't get your wingmen to join this group: try and build up online pivots!), 'Damage's groupies' etc. You can think of better names than I can.

2. Facebook photos and friends

On facebook, other people can include their photos of you on your profile, but you have to approve them first. Try and be selective with your friends, since visitors to your profile will invariably browse them. If all of your friends are male computer scientists with monobrows and dribble on their chin, don't expect too much interest.

The basics of an online approach

Online, every word counts - and words can be viewed or read with different means by different people. For this reason, you need to be reasonably careful what you say.

I've found that coming up with an abstract question is the best way forward, just like real-life.

Last night, I experimented on facebook. I sent a message to every 7 or above who was online at the time. Here is the text:

---

Hey! (be direct, and confident)

I need your advice (don't give them a chance to refuse)

Tucked or untucked? (is ambigious, but has a slight sexual double-meaning)

D.

---

The purpose of this message was to make the targets think, confuse them a little and also to ensure that their replies were varied enough to establish which ones weren't worth the effort and which ones were.

I sent 100 messages to 100 users, 80 of which replied within 10 hours.

Replies will fall into the following categories:

"What? W

• hat are we talking about?" - the target is a thick shit, unadventurous and can't think laterally. Bin them.
• "Depends what you're talking about" - the target is more reserved and will be a bit more hard work
• "Untucked/Tucked in, definitely" - You're in, and the target is open for your response
• "Definitely untucked, untucked looks cool, tight etc..." - You're in, and your target is game.

If they write too much I believe it suggests they are slightly too proficient in the online community and are thus less likely to make the transition from chatting online to meeting in person. In my view, the best category of response is the third: the target is curious, open for more but is still grounded in real-life.

If they gave the first response, I don't follow it up.

If they gave the second response, I use something along the following lines:

'What did you think I was talking about?!' - ever so slight neg, make her think she was loading her reply with a sexual innuendo and thus misinterpreting what you said. Always add the '?!' on the end to convey the fact you're not being entirely serious. Start playing with her.

The third response is my favourite. I always follow it up with:

"Untucked/Tucked in? Outrageous! Let's hope I never have to rely on you for fashion advice!...so, what do you do?"

This is a perfect neg to use and really gets them thinking. The final question always prompts them into trying to seek reapproval from you, having received the put-down from you'

If they come back with the fourth situation, this is a chance for you to get them to sell themselves to you:

"Really? So what makes you qualified to give fashion advice?! "

Add the wink "" to make her realise you're playing with her.

From then on, you should be in. Escalate the conversation using traditional TMM - if you've executed the openers correctly then you'll have set the social dynamics for the conversation perfectly: you will be the one who she must impress. You will hold the power and she will be the one seeking approval. Use this to your advantage.

General follow-up comments:

• Never add a kiss "x" to your messages. Supplication is bad.
• Try to remain mysterious and let the females ask the questions.

Closing

The time-constraints used in real-life TMM can be used really effectively online. Always suggest to your conversation partner that you're very busy (because you have a hi-powered job, lots of friends, lots of dates - it doesn't matter) and so you don't spend much time online. If you're always online then women will think you're desperate. Push and pull - it works well.

When it comes to closing, I prefer this:

"I've got to disappear now, but we should definitely continue this. I'm not sure when I'll next be online. What's your #?"

From the 100 approaches I made online, I # closed 54 of them, MSN closed 87 of them and receives offers to meet for over 30. 2 asked for sex, but in honesty that wasn't because I played the game well - rather, they were already after that in the first place.

Final comments:

From my experience working in the world of online dating:

There are always pretty girls on sites, but they're just hard to find.

Don't rule out a girl because she doesn't have a photo, but always get a photo before you meet someone (unless you just want to practice).

Some definitions women will use online, and their translations:

• 'bubbly' - fat
• 'curvacious' - fat
• 'cuddly' - fat
• 'larger than life' - fat
• 'BBW' - very fat
• 'my friends say I'm attractive' - unattractive. You're friends would say that, otherwise they're bad friends'
• 'I'm not bad looking' - I'm average
• 'english rose' - plain
• 'i like romantic evenings in' - slightly needy
• 'not looking for sex' - looking for sex but trying to justify herself
• Any kind of pre-introduction, i.e. 'So, about me', 'a bit about me', 'what I'm looking for' - slightly insecure
• 'Message me' - Don't message her. She's overselling herself.

I think that's about it. It'd be interested to hear other's experiences of various sites and the techniques/openers they've been using - also people's views on using wingmen online.

I hope this is of interest.

Damage.

__________________

I like my women like I take my Starbucks mocha: tall and skinny with whipped cream.