Why Very Intelligent Men Fail with
Women
by David
DeAngelo
The Ten Reasons Why HIGHLY INTELLIGENT
Men Fail With Women... AND WHAT TO DO
ABOUT IT...
I've been teaching men how to become more successful with women and
dating for several years now... and one "problem scenario" just
keeps coming up OVER AND OVER... and OVER and OVER and OVER
again...
...and it really amazes me.
I'm going to refer to it as "The Genius Failure Paradox".
"The Genius Failure Paradox" is the tendency for UNUSUALLY
intelligent men to have very LOW levels of success with women and
dating.
After contemplating this particular paradox, discussing it, and
working on it for an awesome amount of time, I'd like to share my
thoughts about it with you.
I assume that if you've read this far, then you see probably
yourself as smarter than the average guy.
You know that you're a little different than other guys.
You probably realized at a young age that you saw things
differently, and thought differently than others in school...
And you've probably realized that your smart mind gives you an
advantage over others in many areas of life...
Your smart mind gives you a particular type of advantage that
can be very, very powerful in life: YOU'RE USUALLY RIGHT.
Smart people get used to being "right", because they usually ARE
right.
And when you're RIGHT more often than others, you can get ahead
in many situations.
But unfortunately, this smart mind of yours can actually be
WORSE than USELESS when it comes to a key area of life:
WOMEN AND DATING.
By the way, I did say WORSE than useless.
It can actually be like having a hammer when you need to tighten
a bolt. If you use the tool you have for the job, you'll most
likely make the situation WORSE.
Of course, it's hard for a smart guy to even IMAGINE a situation
where his smart mind could HURT his chances for success...
But trust me, this is one of those situations.
So relax, open your smart mind, and let me share with you the
ten reasons why smart guys fail with women... and what to do about
it.
Reason #1: They're wrong, but they can't or won't see it or
admit it.
I mentioned that smart guys are used to being RIGHT in most
situations.
And what do most smart guys do when they come across a situation
where they're WRONG?
They find a new situation... one that fits their strength. They
know they'll be right next time, so they just walk away... knowing
that it won't be long before they're right again.
(OR they let the "problem situation" destroy them... more on
that later.)
Well, the BITCH about being wrong when it comes to women and
dating is THERE'S NOWHERE TO RUN AND HIDE.
There's no quick "I'm right" around the next corner to make you
feel better.
It only takes "failing" with a few women in a row for a smart
guy to see the pattern... and realize that something isn't
working.
Solution? Think harder.
A smart guy just assumes that his logic must be good... so he
just keeps thinking harder.
But when no success comes, it really starts to become mentally
difficult.
Accepting that you're wrong is a VERY hard thing for a "smart
guy".
Accepting that you're not only wrong, but you have NO CLUE WHERE
TO EVEN START is even more difficult.
Ultimately, many smart guys come up with the following logical
conclusion:
I AM A SMART GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE
SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN THE PROBLEM MUST NOT BE
SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.
Try that on for a self-defeating idea.
Reason #2: They're blind and arrogant.
In short, many smart guys refuse to accept that a good, solid,
workable answer could come from someone "dumber" than them, so they
discount any idea that comes from an "obviously less intelligent
person" before trying it.
Let me ask you a question:
If you were going to be walking across Africa on foot, would you
rather have your guide be the guy on this planet with the highest
I.Q., or a caveman who lived a million years ago that had an I.Q.
of about 50... but who grew up being chased by lions and all kinds
of animals that wanted to eat him all his life?
It's an interesting question.
Now, hopefully you'd like to have the guide who isn't the
smartest guy around... but who has escaped from many, many
dangerous situations with deadly animals...
But now let me ask you:
If you'd like to learn how to be more successful with women and
dating, would you take advice from a guy who isn't very
intelligent, but who knows how to attract women?
There's something about being smart that makes some guys
unwilling to accept input, ideas, or instruction from anyone who
isn't either as smart or smarter than them.
Well, any SMART GUY can see the folly in this particular
approach... once it's examined closely.
If you've been making this mistake, then you need to STOP IT.
Stop being an arrogant bastard, and open your eyes.
Look around.
Learn from some "dumb" guys... and let them teach you how to get
what you REALLY want.
Reason #3: Poor Social Skills.
It BLOWS MY MIND how many smart guys I meet that just don't GET
IT when it comes to basic social skills.
It's as if they have logically reasoned that social skills are
for lower beings who need to play games... and not worth the time
it would take to learn them.
In fact, I believe that there are a lot of smart guys running
around this planet who don't even have "social skills" and "be a
cool guy that people like" in their "MENTAL MODEL" of what it could
possibly take to be successful with women and dating.
Social skills are just that... SKILLS.
They're not social INFORMATION.
They're not social THEORIES.
They're social SKILLS.
And you don't get them by THINKING about them. You get them by
GETTING them.
Excellent social skills are the foundation for good
communication with other humans... and if you don't have good
social skills, you dramatically lower your chances for success with
women.
Reason #4: They psych themselves out.
Smart guys do something that fascinates the hell out of
me...
They come up with all the reasons why everything WON'T WORK when
it comes to women and dating.
They actually figure out why what they would like to do will
probably fail...
They use their amazing creative imaginations to imagine all
kinds of horrible pictures and scenes... and then they use those
imaginary outcomes to create negative emotions... which ultimately
stop them from having success with women and dating.
THEY DON'T EVEN TRY.
Now, if you've thought something through and come up with a good
reason why it would fail, it makes sense to not do it, right?
I mean, why would you want to do things that are going to
fail?
It's sound logic, but HORRIBLE thinking when it comes to the
REAL WORLD... and success with women.
Because smart guys don't UNDERSTAND women, and they don't
UNDERSTAND what it takes to be successful with women, they are
working with bad figures. They're wrong before they even start
figuring!
Using your mind to come up with all the reasons why things won't
work in this area of your life leads to ULTIMATE FAILURE.
You must learn to overcome this habit if you have it.
Reason #5: They seek only "informational
solutions."
What does a smart guy do when he runs into a problem... or he
needs to figure something out?
He looks for INFORMATION to help him solve the problem.
MORE INFORMATION is always the answer.
Information is the friend of a smart guy.
Got a strange virus on your computer? Just hop on the internet
and search for how to eliminate it.
Don't know how to change the alternator on your car? No prob.
Just buy the manual and turn to page 147.
Don't know the definition of a word? Open up your
dictionary.
MORE INFORMATION solves the problem.
So what do smart guys do when it comes to overcoming a problem
with women?
They want MORE INFORMATION.
They think the answer lies in learning just ONE MORE
TECHNIQUE... or one more magic concept.
Well what if there were a situation in life where the "get more
information" strategy actually made things WORSE?
How would you even know that it was making things worse?
Now, I don't want to suggest that learning more about how to be
successful with women is a bad thing. It's not.
But if you have a problem that is EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL in
nature, then reading five million theories on it probably isn't
going to help you very much.
You need to get out in the real world and try some stuff!
You need to look at the REAL problem... the ROOT of the
problem.
When it comes to women and dating, there's a very good chance
that you have MORE than enough "information".
Smart guys often use "more information" to distract them from
TAKING ACTION.
I've heard this referred to as "Creative Avoidance".
Nod silently if you've ever figured out a creative way to avoid
facing something in your life.
Good, thank you.
Reason #6: They focus on logic instead of
emotion.
NEWS JUST IN: Women don't feel ATTRACTION for men who make them
THINK.
Women feel ATTRACTION for men who make them FEEL.
So what do most smart guys do when they first meet a woman?
EXACTLY!
They get into a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.
I'm shaking my head right now...
Smart men try to engage women in LOGICAL conversations and
interactions because that's where THEY feel comfortable... not
knowing that they're SHOOTING THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT by doing
it!
Get this: A monkey sitting at a typewriter will type the
collected works of Shakespeare before you will make a woman feel
ATTRACTION for you by engaging her in logical conversation.
When you start a logical conversation with a woman you've just
met, you are basically taking out a NEON SIGN that says "I don't
get it when it comes to women" and putting it on your head.
Typical "logical" conversations include talking about work,
family, school, and jobs... discussing politics, religion,
weather... and anything that has to do with math, science, or
INTELLIGENCE.
On the other hand, if you start talking to a woman and you say
"OK, so tell me something... Why is it that all women say that they
want sweet, nice guys... but they all date sexy, selfish bad boys?"
(and then make fun of any answer she gives) you're having an
EMOTIONAL conversation.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, keep reading. You need
more help than I thought.
Reason #7: They're not used to the challenge of the
moment.
Smart people usually have time to THINK about things.
If you're taking a test, you can sit there and work out the
answers.
If you have a math problem, you can work on it until you've
figured it out.
If you're trying to fix something, you can keep working on it
until it's fixed.
Smart guys are used to being able to take at least a LITTLE bit
of time to prepare and show off their "good sides" in most
situations.
Not so with women...
If you don't know what to do at every step along the way, you'll
be shut down very quickly.
Women have an AMAZING "He doesn't get it" radar system.
Women have all kinds of subtle and ingenious tests that they
throw at men to separate the "get its" from the "don't get
its".
And if you don't get it, then you're going to fail one of these
tests VERY quickly.
But the worst part is that you won't ever KNOW that you were
being tested... OR that you failed.
Smart guys aren't used to dealing with complex EMOTIONAL and
COMMUNICATION challenges in the moment... and especially the "women
and dating" kind.
One of they keys to becoming more successful with women and
dating is learning to handle all of the tests that women throw at
you effortlessly.
But before you can learn how to deal with the tests, you must
first learn how to communicate on an emotional level, how to
demonstrate that you have fundamental social skills, and how to
keep your cool in the moment.
Reason #8: They think that doing "nice" things is the "smart
way."
OK, let me ask you a trick question:
If I told you that you were going to have a date with the
supermodel of your choice, which of the following would you choose
as a "smart" way of preparing:
1) Find out what her favorite type of flowers are, and show up
with a dozen of them so she would be "wowed".
2) Learn about her favorite travel destination so you could
discuss it with her.
3) Find out what her favorite type of food is so you could take
her to dinner... and she could see that you cared enough to choose
something that she enjoyed.
OK, time's up. Which did you choose?
Now, I already mentioned that this was a TRICK question.
The answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE.
But WHY?
These three options all seemed logical, right?
I mean, why WOULDN'T you want to show up with her favorite
flowers?
Why WOULDN'T you want to talk about her favorite places to
travel?
Why WOULDN'T you want to take her to eat her favorite foods so
she enjoyed herself?
Go with me here...
Smart guys think that they're being CLEVER when they do things
like buying a woman her favorite flowers... and bringing them to
the FIRST DATE.
Right?
In their minds, they're thinking "I'm going to be the guy who is
thinking ahead... and I'm going to show up with the flowers that I
KNOW she loves... and she's going to see them and like me more
because of it".
Makes sense... good math, right?
Well the one teensy-weensy mistake that these "smart" guys make
is not realizing that it doesn't actually take a smart person to
think like this!
In fact, ANY jackass can figure out how to kiss a woman's
ass.
And guess what?
WOMEN KNOW THIS!
And guess what else?
EVERY WUSSBAG DOES THIS STUFF.
An intelligent guy, in his proud arrogance, will think he's
being such the charmer by using this "thoughtful" approach...
...and the woman he is chasing will interpret it as just another
Wussy who's trying to MANIPULATE her.
Ouch. Another blow to intelligence.
Reason #9: Always needing to be the expert.
Have you ever met a smart guy who always needed to be
"right"?
Have you ever met someone who would actually argue with you
about something they knew nothing about... and make a fool of
themselves because they just couldn't shut their "smart
mouths"?
Over the last few years helping guys improve their success with
women, I see this one pattern over and over again...
Smart guys don't like to be "beginners" at ANYTHING.
They don't like the idea of screwing up... especially if others
are watching.
They want to maintain this "smart guy" image of themselves... so
they try to always be "The Expert" at whatever they do.
Instead of saying "Hey, you know what? I'm a beginner at this...
how do I do it? What should I do first? What next?"... and instead
of being totally OK with screwing up, making mistakes, and making a
fool of themselves in front of others in order to LEARN...
...they won't risk embarrassment, failure, or others thinking
that they're beginners... so they wind up ultimately FAILING.
MORE NEWS JUST IN: It's OK to be a beginner.
Reason #10: They can't deal with fear and other
emotions.
A smart guy's STRENGTH is his MIND.
His WEAKNESS is often his EMOTIONS.
Smart guys are often IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.
Totally stopped.
FROZEN.
And since many smart guys aren't comfortable dealing with things
they're not good at, they just repress or RUN away from fear.
Many men would rather DIE in lonely isolation than admit that
they don't know how to deal with their emotions... or, GOD FORBID,
ask for help!
Hey, I went for YEARS like this.
I know what it's like.
But the reality is that any guy can learn to handle and even
MASTER his emotions (even fear)... if he just takes the time and
effort to learn HOW to do it.
If this is you, then do yourself a big favor... take the time.
Take the effort.
Don't worry about what anyone else thinks of you... it doesn't
matter.
What matters is you doing the things that YOU need to do FOR
YOU.
...I think the reason why I'm so fascinated with "The Genius
Failure Paradox" is because I have had to struggle with all of
these issues for a lot of years of my life.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm the smartest guy on the
planet...
But I don't think mamma raised no fool.
And it always bothered the hell out of me that even though I was
so good at figuring things out, I couldn't figure WOMEN out.
Something tells me that you know what I'm talking about.
Well, after beating my head against the wall for a few years...
trying all kinds of crazy "logical" stuff... I finally got the
"bright" idea to start studying guys who were "naturally" good with
women.
Of course, I found out that you could be both NOT SMART, and
VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN at the same time.
I also learned that you can be SMART and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH
WOMEN too.
By carefully studying what the "naturals" did with women... and
learning how they "thought" about the topic, I began to realize
that success with women wasn't entirely LOGICAL.
Much of what I learned was very tough for me to accept...
because my logical brain just didn't want to buy into it.
One thing I saw was guys pushing women away from them... and
having the women then chase them in response.
Made no sense at all.
I saw guys tease beautiful women and make jokes about them to
their faces... and then watched those women become "little girls"
in response... unable to maintain their composure, and therefore
unable to maintain their manipulative power...
It took me quite a long time, but I continued to learn, test,
and refine what I was learning until I personally figured out how
to approach women in any situation... get any woman's number I
wanted anytime I wanted... date any type of woman I wanted...
...and most importantly, GET RID of that "empty" feeling that I
carried around my whole life because I didn't know how to attract
women.
And once I got this area of my own life together, I decided to
help other guys get this area of THEIR lives together.
The ultimate result of all this time, effort, and energy is my
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