Due to popular demand and the fact that we love trying weird foods and candies, The A.V. Club will now regularly feature "Taste Tests." Feel free to suggest disgusting and/or delicious new edibles for future installments: E-mail us at tastetest@theonion.com.

Cheeseburger In A Can

Never let it be said that we don't make sacrifices for our readers. Terrible, greasy, wadded sacrifices. When word hit the Internet that a German camping-supplies company was marketing a canned cheeseburger, we were instantly buried under a wave of requests—nay, demands—that we get our hands on one and rate the experience of eating it. The German company doesn't ship to the U.S., but we paid an embarrassing price for one on eBay, acquired by an American soldier currently stationed at a German military base. (We're fairly sure it wasn't smuggled out of the country in a coffin, à la American Gangster, but we aren't 100 percent positive.) A few days later, we all eagerly gathered around the hot plate in the A.V. Club labs to see whether cheeseburger-in-a-can could possibly be any good.

Answer: no. Oh dear sweet shrieking Lord, no.

According to the instructions, canned cheeseburger works like this: You toss the unopened can into a "bain-marie" (or a double boiler, for those of us here in the States) and heat it for 10 minutes. We didn't have a double boiler on hand in the office (and who the hell takes one camping, anyway?), so we just used an ordinary saucepan. Possibly we robbed ourselves of amazing deliciousness by not using the proper double-boiler method, but we seriously doubt it. We did, however, let ourselves in for an alarming racket, as the bubbles boiling up under the can rattled it around in the pot: