The All-Robot Baseball Team
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This article needs no introduction other than this:
Everyone loves robots. Everyone loves baseball. Kind of like chocolate and peanut butter, the two should be better when combined.
Turns out, it is.
Catcher: R2D2
He's short. He's slow.
But let's face it, he's the perfect catcher.
- He doesn't have to squat.
- He can block the plate really well -- three legs and his barrellesque shape means he's harder to knock over.
- And he can blind incoming runners with that "Help me Obi Wan Kenobi" hologram
- He takes a licking and keeps on ticking. The dude rode shotgun in Luke's X-wing and came out bruised, sure, but he was back in action when Luke, Han, and Chewy got their medals.
- He has a cannon for an arm. Really! Remember when Luke, Han, and others are being rafted out to that pit thing near Jabba's lair? R2 is on the party deck and he fires Luke's light saber to him balls-on from what, half a mile away? Go ahead, run on that arm!
- He can shock batters with that small zapper arm. Take that, David Eckstein!
- He doesn't have to mask his signs. He can just beep beep beep to the pitcher, who can translate that using her own Robot brain.
- He knows to let the Wookie win. I'm not sure why that matters, but it seems like it should, yeah?
- Okay, so he won't be able to hit -- but he also will have a Eddie Gaedel sized strike zone. 1.000 OBP, baby!
- He's so much better than that red piece of shit that the jawas are trying to sell you.
Pitcher: Vicky from Small Wonder
Call it the Tatum O'Neill rule -- you know, from Bad News Bears? Whenever you have a weird theme team, the pitcher has to be a pre-pubescent girl. Just how it works.
Anyway, check out the arm action at around the 30 second mark here:
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