Fri,
04/30/2010 - 3:58 pm
I think we all know by now that ruining a date is no difficult
task. But perhaps by looking at a solidified list of the sorry
scenarios you're accidentally getting yourself into, you'll be able
to steer clear of such shocking, unfortunate instances in future
courting.
What never to say
Because the majority of your dates will most likely
involve a meal, which leaves a gaping hole of time just asking to
be filled with conversational errors, it's most important to watch
your mouth. Here are some tips of subjects never to touch
on.
#1 Your ex
She already hates your ex. She hates that you even opened
your eyes and saw women before you met her. Unfortunately, she's
always desperately curious about your romantic past and, therefore,
won't shut you up if you're silly enough to bring it up. She will,
however, still hate you for it.
#2 Your mom
While some women love men that love their mothers, it's a
dodgy subject and a thin line. When first getting to know someone,
unless it's just a quick mention of your mother's unimportant role
in a story, don't bring her up. You can be all too easily
categorized as a mama's boy who may not know how to cook for
himself, clean his own clothes and cut his own hair (NOTE: It does
not matter if these things are true, so long as she does not know
it).
#3 Your financial
problems
Yes, it's a tough time for nearly everyone we know and it
makes for a good conversation starter at a bar. But not at a
restaurant with a woman you'd like to take home. While she may not
be snooty or inconsiderate or even judge you negatively for your
current lack of funds, it's best to avoid a conversation as
controversial as this, considering a woman wants to feel that she
(and the bill) will be taken care of.
#4 Stories about
strippers
Even if you've come up with the most ingenious way of
engaging in a wild sexual experience (http://www.mademan.com/how-facilitate-threesome/) or
have the most entertaining sexual escapade to share, DON'T. Not
until you've felt out her vibe enough to notice if she's the kind
of chick who can dig off the fly, bizarro anecdotes. Most women do
not get a kick out of strippers, hard as that may be for you to
believe.
#5 Too much mention of
brodeo
If you're at a dinner with a new lady and the topics of
conversation keep returning somehow to this hilarious thing your
best friend did or the way you spent some several weekends with
your closest dudes, watch out. This might signal to your date that
you're in "man-love" with your homeboys and, therefore, imply that
she'll be in tight competition. Women cannot stand being pitted
against the group of bro's, so try to tone down the man-to-man love
for the dinner's duration.
#6 Family baggage
Family problems, insecurities, instances and traumas are
likely a big part of a lot of people's lives. We all keep a
collection of stories that have deep emotional significance in our
personal lives. HOWEVER, nothing says "Run!" to a new woman like an
overbearing confession concerning torrid pasts and tortured souls.
Try to keep the conversation light for at least for the first few
meetings, so she doesn't feel like she's walking into a death trap
of dead-end problems
.
#7 Awkwardly complimenting
In the heat of the moment, when a pretty woman is sitting
across from you, staring back expectantly, it's often easy to get
jelly mouth and have your tongue betray you. For this reason, try
to stick to pretty standard compliments if you're looking to
flatter your female. Something like "That's a beautiful dress, by
the way," or "I really like how your hair looks like that," is
perfectly tempered. A woman just wants to know that you're noticing
her. This is enough to get her in the mood to pay attention to you,
without giving you opportunity to screw it up by scrambling for
poorly arranged phrases.
#8 What she's eating
Obviously, at a dinner, it's known that people ask "What
are you getting?" or "How's your food?" - and this is entirely
appropriate. What is not appropriate, however, is making some
seemingly unloaded comment about how much your date is eating, why
she ordered a salad instead of a steak, or pestering her about her
decision to be a vegetarian. Women are insecure. The end. Don't
address their dinner in these ways while they're eating it, or
they'll be gone before even thinking about ingesting another
bite.
What never to do
It's officially fact that men and women are alien species
to each other and that our behavior is therefore mismatched at many
moments. Thus meaning, something you do on a date that you would
not interpret as being awfully offensive, may immediately imply
not-so-awesome things to her. So, after watching your mouth, you'll
need to (at least mildly) monitor your male instincts.
#9 Picking the wrong place from the
start
If you don't know what "kind of gal" you're taking out
(meaning, whether she's a sports bar kind of chick or a ritz gala
kind of lady), then try to shoot for something pleasantly in the
middle. A nicely upscale, but none too fancy restaurant will do
just fine. If you're at all interested in having this date go
someplace other than the
restaurant
, you'll need to make sure the dinner
experience is so wonderful that she can only assume what comes next
will follow accordingly.
#10 Eying your waitress
Sure, sometimes it's good to tease a woman's interest by
subtly showing her that you're attractive to other women. But, on a
date, this is not the right way to get her excitably envious
. It is, however, the right
way to get her super excited to slap you in the face
(unfortunately, in the non-kinky way).
#11 Forcing her to dance
Some women have absolutely no confidence in their fancy
feet, no matter how drunk or desirable they (or you) are. So while
it may be a cute thing that leading, charming men do in movies,
grabbing a girl and forcing her to hop up and jive despite her
flailing arms and big cringe, let's leave it to the movies for now.
You may cause your date serious humiliation, which will immediately
close the door to your post-dinner potential.
#12 Answering your phone
I don't care if you're the CEO of a fortunate 500 or the
biggest club promoter in Hollywood, do not pick up your cell phone
at a dinner table if you're intending to get laid. Women love
nothing more than uninterrupted attention. So, turn off your phone
entirely, because even if she sees you look at the screen and
ignore the call, she'll assume it's another girl. And oh boy, you
can only imagine how bad things get from there.
#13 Ordering for her
At this point in the 21st century, we would all hope that
this one is common sense, but sometimes, in an effort to capture
old-fashioned chivalrous behavior, men slip up here. Don't order
for her unless it's a bottle of something fantastic at the dinner's
beginning that you've already cleared with her taste buds. There
are other ways to be chivalrous and charming (http://www.mademan.com/get-her-dinner-bed/) that are
better appreciated and, therefore, better
rewarded.
Tags: advice, dating, how to
Lisa says:
Tue, 5th Oct 201011:25 am
This is soooo…not entertaining and dumb. Didn’t even make me smile. Shitty.
Ashley says:
Tue, 5th Oct 20101:13 pm
I agree I thought this would be more amusing…
AC says:
Tue, 5th Oct 20101:20 pm
My ex/ roommate (yes, you read that right) wears jorts. I absolutely hate jorts, but he can actually pull them off. Or perhaps I just care about him enough to look past the atrocity and see the charm. If you knew him, you probably wouldn’t even notice when he wears them.
All of these are kinda dumb, yes they could make or break it for some guys, (or if a guy did ALL of these at once) but it really depends on the guy.
L says:
Tue, 5th Oct 20103:16 pm
my dad commits at least 3 of these errors daily. It is a wonder I was conceived.
KPS says:
Wed, 6th Oct 20102:27 am
Is this from the 80s? Not even mildly amusing. And who drew that picture? Did they learn to draw at one of those schools that advertise on matchbooks?
TheReviewer says:
Wed, 6th Oct 20103:25 pm
So don’t look like Gunther? This goes against everything I believe in
yaniK says:
Wed, 6th Oct 20107:14 pm
Boooo!
I like mustaches. Show me a man with a good mustache (Tom Selleck style not Freddy Mercury) and I melt. I used to think Jude Law was too girly pretty for my taste until I say him with mustache. Now I want to eat him up.
wack says:
Wed, 6th Oct 20107:16 pm
man I got a mustache and a mullet I still pull dimes all day.
sandals with socks too!
kevin says:
Wed, 6th Oct 20107:33 pm
What jocko fuck wrote this shit?