(Update 2-28-07: Welcome readers from CBSNEWS.COM. Be sure to check out the rest of the site. We cover all manner of stupid things here, from silly eBay auctions, to stupid patents, to medical quackery, to stuff that's just plain stupid. Enjoy your visit, and don't mind the swearing! OH, and we also hate PETA.) 

The Stupidity Tracker has been reading a lot lately about "The Secret", the trailer for which you can see below.

The Secret. 

If you had the patience to sit through that pile of garbage without smacking yourself in the face with a brick, then congrats.  The basic premise of the movie is that there's this "Secret" that's been handed down to successful folks from the elites over thousands of years. Until now, only successful people knew the Secret. But now you can too…for a price. From what I can gather, the idea is that if you think positively, good things will happen to you.  That's the crux of the whole thing, and for this earth-shattering advice, you have to pay 4.95 to watch the film online, or 29.95 for the DVD.

What pisses me off is that the filmmakers seem to be saying that all you have to do is want something very badly and that it will eventually come to you. This is invariably appealing to the legions of Cheeto eating Americans sitting around watching COPS, Montel Williams, and ITT Tech commercials while the rest of us are working for the things we have.  What they're saying is that if you're dirt poor kid living in the ghetto, you can just concentrate really hard on that new bike you want and by-fucking-golly you'll get that bike. And if you don't get it? Well, you just weren't trying hard enough, bucko.

I swear to Jesus H. himself that if I hear one more reference to "Creating Your Own Reality" I am going to jump in front of goddamn pickup truck. I dare anyone to tell a 4 year old dying of cancer that he wasn't thinking positively enough, that he wasn't "Creating His Own Reality". I triple fucking dog dare you. You know why that kid's dying of cancer? Because sometimes bad shit just happens.

Back to the film, though.  The Secret should come as welcome news to all those starving people in Africa, who will be happy to hear that the only reason they're stuck eking out a living (if one can call it that) in grinding poverty is because they haven't been having enough positive thoughts. All they need to do is concentrate on connecting with that universal energy and not worry about tripping over their neighbor's corpse. Just think positive, and all things will work out for you.

Of course the average schlub who's going to shell out money for this shit is likely so fucking self-centered that she (and it's almost always women who are drawn into this shit) won't even make the "starving African" connection. She'll just roll into her local Psychic Bookstore, pick up the DVD (lining the pockets of its creators) and pop it in the ol' DVD player. She'll probably fancy herself "deep" and "spiritual" for having learned "The Secret."  Then the DVD will be over, she'll sign on to her favorite woo-woo forum (no doubt using her screen name "SpiritualFlowerLuv98") and fervently post messages that will no doubt look like this:

"ZOMG this DVD totally changed my life lol before I watched it i was not aware of the secret but now all I have to do is communicate with the universe and think positive and things will turn out good for me lol maybe i wont' have to go to Cosmetology school now lol." 

And the best part? Oprah's now peddling this shit. Which means half the country is going to shell out good money to these assmuncher filmmakers, simply to hear the message that Positive Thinking Is A Good Thing. Well NO SHIT! Since when was that ever a fucking secret?

Let me tell you, the only people who are going to get rich as a result of "The Secret" are the people who put this piece of shit together. It makes me want to eat an entire box of tomatoes and vomit onto my shoes.

There's an even better screed against this film here and here. Read it.