Web 2.0 has been established as a way of life for many users of
the vast network of tubes internets. From social
networking sites, wikis, to tools of collaborative authoring, the
web has become a different beast than it once was. Perhaps a better
web than it once was. Personal relationships in that thing called
"real life" or unwired relationships are touched by email, MySpace,
Flickr, instant messaging, among others. So what happens when
you're crossed by a lover? You get dumped, or need to dump someone?
Or the break-up has happened and you need to implement a necessary
no-contact period?
The web 2.0 world makes it a lot harder than cutting their
picture out of your photos and burning their letters in your
backyard. New methods are needed to get the job done. Here is
Bostonist's basic guide to breaking up in a web 2.0 world. Call it,
simply, Break-up 2.0.
Mobile Phone:
-- Ignore phone calls. Don't
return voicemails. Do not delete their number, set it to something
like "no" or "hell no!" or better yet "fuck-head" in your phone –
you won't pick up by mistake.
-- Renaming their entry in your phone book will help you avoid
the drunk dial or drunk SMS – neither are as harmless as they
seem.
-- Set the ring tone for their phonebook entry to silent. You
won't even know they're calling.
-- Reassign their speed dial number to someone you actually want
to talk to.
Email:
-- Stop returning emails.
-- Assign a filter so an email from their address skips the
inbox and heads straight to archive in Gmail, or into a tucked-away
file in Outlook. You might want to marvel at how crazy that was and
laugh when you're a little past it in a few months. Straight to
trash is always a good option, too.
Chatting:
-- Set yourself to invisible or stealth on IM. You don't want to
lose touch with everyone, but you don't want that certain someone
to know you're out there. GAIM has a plugin for this, as do most
open source programs. You can always just block them from a chat,
too.
Blog Presence:
-- Ban their IP addresses (don't
forget their work computer) from commenting on your blog. Even
better, let them keep commenting on your blog until they come up as
the #1 Google result for "that psycho who blogstalks their ex."
-- Ban their IP addresses from viewing your blog. You can write
nasty about them and hope they don't log in at the public
library.
-- Remove their feed(s) from your aggregator.
Social Networking:
-- Set relationship status to "single" on all your social
networking accounts.
-- Set your MySpace blog to "friends only."
-- Remove ex from your MySpace friends. Replace the ex in your
top 8 with your more attractive, more intelligent, and single new
crush. Bonus points for the newly "topped" friend who leaves
semi-flirtatious messages in MySpace comments.
-- Delete comments or testimonials the ex has left you.
-- Remove them as a friend on Friendster – know their "friends
of friends" network just dropped by 1/2 a mil.
-- For Facebook there are two alternatives. 1) Drop them
altogether. 2) Keep them on as a contact. When they log in they can
see that you're writing some wonderfully flirtatious messages back
and forth and having heated wall-to-wall discussions with that more
attractive, more intelligent, and single ex who's now in your top 8
on MySpace.
Imaging:
-- Remove any pictures of you and ex from MySpace, Friendster, and
Facebook pics. Try and delete any photos that you're tagged in
together on Facebook.
-- Remove ex as a "contact" on Flickr.
--Don't want to actually lose the memories and delete
photographs, but don't want ex to feel like they've disappeared?
Set your Flickr pictures with the ex in them to private. It might
not be as gratifying as cutting them out of the pictures with
scissors and Photoshop doesn't have that effect built in yet.
Be careful, friends. Breaking up in a web 2.0 world is hard to
do.