The Scariest Freaking Story Ever Contest 2009
Halloween is right around the corner, the season of ghouls
and ghost, candy corn and corpses, and we have a dare for
you. No, we’re not trying to get you to toilet-paper Old
Man Wilson’s house or kick over tombstones in the ol’ pioneer
graveyard. We dare you to
scare us silly
.
We are calling for your
scariest
,
most
bone-chilling
stories.
Don’t bother submitting the elementary
school-grade stories (i.e. “I am the Viper. I am here to vipe your
vindows.”). We want real terror. True stories are even
better. Whichever story gets the most votes from users will
win…
An Amazon
Kindle
Also, a runner-up will be chosen randomly to win…
A $50 Amazon gift
card
Here is how you submit your story. You can
submit as many as you want:
1. Leave it as a comment below.
2. Tweet about it.
3. Post it on your blog and then leave a link to
your blog in a comment below.
4. Post it on Facebook and then leave a link to
your Facebook page in a comment below.
Remember, the most votes wins. So invite your friends and family to visit the contest page and vote by using the voting button (thumbs up/down) below each comment.
To avoid the horror of litigation, here’s the rules
mumbo jumbo:
1. To enter you must be a U.S. citizen and 18
years or older.
2. Comments, blog posts, and YouTube videos must
all be original. Taking a suggestion or tip and copying/pasting it
into a new comment is grounds for disqualification.
3. Contest judges may disqualify certain entries
if they fail to adhere to the above rules, or if they violate our
code of conduct (i.e. no inappropriate language or conduct in
entries including in comments, posts or videos).
4. Classes and Careers.com can’t be held liable
for the loss of entries, or any legal matters concerning the
decisions the winner makes with the prize. We will not reimburse
stolen or lost prizes.
Below is the linking code you may use if you choose to post
about our contest on your blog or website. Make sure you add this
into the "source" or HTML of your post in order for it to
work.
–Copy Below–
<a
href="http://www.classesandcareers.com/collegelife/the-scariest-freaking-story-ever-contest-2009/">The
Scariest Freaking Story Ever Contest</a><br>
Brought to you by Classes and Careers’ <a
href="http://www.classesandcareers.com">online
colleges</a>.
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Remember, you must leave the URL of your efforts in the comment
field below to receive credit for your entry, and a valid contact
email is required in order for us to contact you should you
win.
DEADLINE: The contest will end at 11:59 PM Mountain Standard Time, October 30, 2009 after which the winner will be chosen according to which story obtains the most votes and the runner-up will be chosen randomly. Winners will be announced on November 6, 2009.
Tags: College Life, contest, Humor, Scary Story, student
58 Responses to “The Scariest Freaking Story Ever Contest 2009”
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My scary story begins back when I was twelve years old. I was babysitting two little girls for my next store neighbor every night while the mother worked. Not so scary, right? Except for the fact that none of the house windows locked at all. In spite of this, I still felt safe knowing my family was a stones throw away, so I agreed to watch watch them on a regular basis.There was one night where the mother left me in charge of her two daughters, as well has her friend’s daughter and a rebellious bratty eight year old. I told the parents I could handle it, locked the doors behind them and got the girls entertained in a puzzle in the front room. Kelby, the boy was in the back playroom with the door shut, mad at me because I wouldn’t allow him outside.
It was about two hours later, after the sun had set and the darkness was upon us that I heard a door in the back of the house open. That’s strange, I thought. It hadn’t sounded anything like the sound the poorly fitting playroom door makes.
“Kelby?” I hollered.
No response.
I wandered into the kitchen where I could view the back door as it was flying open. Kelby had spent the whole night prior trying to pester me, so I thought this was just one of his tricks. It was at that moment, when I glanced to the playroom door and noticed it was STILL CLOSED, that I started to panic.
My eyes flickered back in fear just in time to watch the screen door slamming shut. And I realized that earlier that day, I had locked both deadbolts and the screen door FROM THE INSIDE.
Kelby had never opened the door.
Someone else had been in the house with us.
I did the only thing I could think of and called my mom, who promptly came over with…*drumroll please*
a pair of scissors for protection.
Oh and to make things worse? The grandpa of these kids had died in that home, and I swear it was haunted. I’d wake up during the middle of my babysitting shift (I babysat from 4PM to 2AM) and things would literally be moved from where I last left them. “Jack” as a ghost apparently liked to move things around and turn the TV and radio on and off. I could even hear him walking over the creaky floorboards at the exact same time every night – 2:30 sharp. I eventually quit babysitting there, that place gave me the creeps!
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Denise Montgomery says:
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Growing up I lived in Central Florida. There is a town called Cassadega that is known for psychics and strange happenings. This happened to some friends of my dads years ago.
There were 2 couples that decided to have a picnic in a wooded area in Cassadega. The 2 woman went on ahead. A man came out of the woods and grabbed one of the woman. The guys that they were with heard the screams, grabbed a shotgun from their truck and ran after the man. He let the woman go and one of the guys shot the guy, they all saw him bleeding , leaving trails of blood. They left their picnic items and went to the police to report what happened (this was before cell phones). When they came back to the spot there was no blood on the ground (even though they said they saw him bleeding alot) or any evidence that it had happened. The police had a search party looking for the guy, but nothing was ever found. True Story.Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike:
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PATRIC KRUEGER says:
A REAL LIFE GHOST STORYTwo roommates (and me) lived in the South Carolina countryside. It was a very old farmhouse. Two story wood. On a large piece of property. The events started out friendly enough then over a period of 2-3 months escalated into serious physical damage. It started with objects missing for no reason. Then forks and knives and spoons appearing on the floor. Just laying there. Strange. Like, I would wake up in the morning and find knives or spoons or forks set in a circular pattern on the living-room floor. Then things started to disappear. The can opener. Gone. Looked and looked but never found it. A box of cereal would disappear from the cupboard and we would find it in a bedroom closet. And other stuff just disappeared. More than I can list. It was just plain weird. Lights would shut off by themselves. My radio on my nightstand would just turn off by itself.
One of my roomies had his bedroom on the first floor. One night he woke up and found a man standing over the bed staring down at him. He described the man as tall and bulky with a short haircut. He couldn’t see the features of his face. Then the man spoke. “You feel cold don’t you.” My roommate didn’t reply. He was scared stiff. The man repeated the question. “You feel cold don’t you.”
Two nights later my roommate woke up choking and gasping for air. There was a wool blanket covering his head and he was being smothered…by someone…by something. He fought the thing. He said it was really strong and wouldn’t stop. Finally whatever it was that had a hold of him let go and my roomie twisted out of bed and threw the blanket in the corner. He turned on the light and there was nothing there. The door was closed.
About a week later he woke up in the morning with 2nd degree burns on his arm. We asked him. You didn’t WAKE UP??? He said no. Something happened during the night. We don’t know what it was. The burns looked like when boiling water comes in contact with the skin. But all up and down his forearm. Big water filled blisters. And there were red 1st degree burns as well.
I moved out that same day.
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admin Reply:
October 13th, 2009 at 12:02 pmThis one freaked me out. I have heard accounts like this from my own family members.Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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Stan says:
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One rainy night on a muddy and dark mountain road a young couple were in their car. The walking sound they heard first was faint and in the woods by the car. They thought nothing of it since these woods are loaded with deer. In fact sometimes the deer would come right up to the car. The sound of walking grew louder. Now the doors were locked, the windows were up, so even if was a bear, which are know to habit this place, they could still drive out in time. But then the walking stopped right behind the car and two loud bangs, as if someone fell on the truck were heard. He started the car and drove off in a hurry to where he knew his friends were. The friends piled in the car and they went back to the parking spot to look around. They expected to find deer tracks or large bear tracks. What they found in the mud were human footprints and and print resembling a human body from when this person behind the car fell. True story because I was the driver of that car. It happened over thirty years ago.Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike:
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when I was younger My cousin and I went up a big hill, I was foolish enough to forget I was afraid of heightsI looked down and was terrified my cousin disappeared I had nobody to help me.
All of a sudden a man appeared, he said he saw that I was terrified he helped me down.Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike:
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Marcus says:
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As a young man, my father spent some time living on the Navajo Indian Reservation in the Four Corners area. He and his buddy lived alone in a trailer that overlooked a ravine several miles away from Navajo Mountain. It wasn’t uncommon for he and his friend to hear drums coming from the mountain at night. The locals told them not to go out after dark when the drums were playing because the witches were on the mountain and would try to harm them.
My father broke his leg and soon found himself confined to the lonely trailer. One day, his friend had to go out to a meeting and my father was left alone at the trailer. As night fell, the drums began on the mountain. My father tried to occupy his mind with other things, but soon he began hearing strange sounds just outside the trailer- footfalls in the yard, things scraping the siding of the trailer, and creaking floorboards on the porch.
Leaving his crutches in the trailer, my father grabbed a baseball bat and stepped out onto the porch. Only the empty yard was there to greet him. He heard a sound behind him and spun around. Nothing was there. Thinking an animal or person might be sneaking around the trailer, he crept off the porch, squeezing the baseball bat, and toward the corner of the trailer. But when he rounded the corner, nothing was there. The hairs began to stand up on the back of his neck and he suspected his visitor was not an animal after all. From the far corner of the trailer, he heard the sound again. He began shivering at this point and stepped lightly toward the corner of the trailer. The drums were loud from the mountain, and, from where he was, he could see yellow pinpricks of light, torches, winding their way up the side of the mountain.
At that moment, my father became aware of a commotion in front of him, the sound of dozens of feet shuffling through the ravine just below the trailer. He eased forward, half of him wanting to flee, the other half unable to look away, until he stood at the edge of the ravine. His breath stopped short. A horde of desert creatures- coyotes, lizards, and birds- were marching together in an unending body through the ravine toward the mountain.
As his eyes were taking in the bizarre spectacle, he felt something closing in behind him, the feeling you get when someone is standing immediately behind you. Without turning around, my father bolted around the trailer, hobbling on his leg cast, and sped away in his pickup truck, his heart racing.
He didn’t return again to the trailer alone. Soon after, he related his experience to some of the locals. They told him of the skinwalkers, members of the community who are secretly witches. They perform atrocious acts to gain the power to become whatever animal they wear the skin of. My father had seen dozens of these witches heading toward one of their ceremonies. As to the invisible creature stalking him around the trailer, he had no idea.
And he would see one of these witches again a few months later…Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike:
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JUDY ELMAYAN says:
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He entered the hospital emergency room in the dead of night. He said he needed to see the doctor right away.
He refused to fill out the forms or give his name and just kept demanding to see the doctor. Policy said the forms had to filled out. They had to know his name at least. The only thing they could find out from him is that it hurt to pee. He kept trying to enter the patient care area despite being told he could not with out the proper forms. He became increasingly agitated and screaming I need the doctor. Security was called. He tried to hit the guard. He was lead out to the street and security stood by the door to make sure he did not try reenter.
Up stairs in room 631 two women slept calmly. Both were doing well and soon would be going home. One had a bad case of pelvic inflammation and was on iv antibiotics. He bed was furthest from the door.
2 nurses manned the entire floor that night. They were busy answering call lights and checking on all the rooms.
He was out of his mind with rage. How dare they toss him out of the emergency room. It was no one business who he was. He was not about to fill out the forms. He walked over to the basement employee entrance. He was in luck. The door was open and no one was around. He went to the elevator and pressed 6. Again luck was on his side. The long dimly light hall and nurse station was empty. He went to room 631 and quietly entered. There he quickly pulled out the knife he had hidden in his
shirt pocket and approached the woman peacefully sleeping with the iv antibiotic furthest from the door. He expertly sliced through every major artery of her body. She struggled and screamed. Terrified the woman near the door heard the commotion and the screams of her room mate. She pushed the call button not removing her finger for a single second. She could not get out of bed and run. The rails were up and she too had an IV running. Her only hope was that some one would come before the man got her next.
The nurse exited the room from down the hall. It had been a long night and she was tired. As she approached the nurses station she could see the light flashing for room 631. Wearily she walked toward the room in the dimly light hallway. Suddenly a wild eyed man dripping with blood appeared and pushed her to the floor. He ran to the stairway and bolted down. Confused, scared, and dazed the nurse entered room 631. There she found a hysterical patient shaking and crying in bed 1 nearest the door. Pulling back the curtain she found massive amounts of blood splattering the floor, bed, and walls. She quickly picked up the phone and called a code. The doctor and his code team arrived immediately. They tried the best they could to save the poor woman. It was impossible as the man that did this had cut all her major arteries. She had bled out quickly.
The police were summoned. All hospital head honchos were alerted and soon showed up. The press quickly arrived. The hospital was being searched top to bottom for this unknown assailant. Was he still in the building? Why had he gone to this particular room and killed this woman? Who was he? Everyone was scared and on edge as the search for this unknown attacker went on.
Soon it was determined he was no longer in the building. It took the detectives only a day or two to find him. Seems the woman in bed 631 was not a random target after all. No it was not her husband.
It was the guy next door who she had been having an affair with. He blamed her for the infection he could not get treated for that faithful night.Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike:
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October 13th, 2009 at 11:58 amBloody but not exactly scary.
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Adam Lyle says:
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I work for a surgeon who has long passed retirement age. His hands are old arthritic and wrinkled and his temperament has withered with age. His retirement savings have evaporated with bad investments and the carelessness of his spoiled children.In an effort to accumulate wealth, he has taken to ordering medical products from third-world countries and then selling them to patients at astronomical mark-ups.
Yesterday, he had a patient who was semi-conscious on the operating table, an elderly lady whose loving family waited in the reception area. As was his custom, he would tap his bony fingernail onto his patient’s forehead and swear whenever the individual became groggy from the anesthetic.
“Dammit, b*%&$ hold still. If I get this wrong you’re a dead woman.”
The white-haired lady sobbed in fright but tried to remain motionless.
“Oops.” The surgeon whispered and then glared at his nearest technician. “Fetch Dr. Truman.”
“Dr. Silas is the anesthesiologist,” the young assistant whispered.
“I want Truman,” the old surgeon hissed in anger.
She nodded and fled the operating room. Thirty seconds later, she returned with Dr. Truman.
“She’s not doped enough, Bill,” he growled. “She’ll remember the surgery.”
“According to the chart, she had the maximum dosage.” Dr. Bill Truman flipped through a few pages of the old ladies record. “Besides, she has a weak heart.”
“This is my center, Bill. This is my patient. I want her to have another 250 milligrams.”
The younger doctor nodded.
“What’s wrong?” The elderly patient whispered from beneath her surgical mask.
“I misdiagnosed your problem.” Her physician stated. “You’ve got terminal cancer. It’s metastacized all over your body. You’re going to die anyway so I’m going to make it worth my while and perform every procedure that your insurance will reimburse. Don’t worry. You won’t feel a thing and by tomorrow, you won’t remember a thing. Now shut up and go back to sleep.”
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Natchaya Sunan says:
You have to invite them inside. That is the rule. They can’t enter the house without your permission. Once allowed into your home they will drain you dry. They’ll suck the life out of you and leave you a tattered husk.Late at night I hear them. Laughing. Moving through the darkness. Searching for something to eat. It’s long past midnight. I’m hiding beneath my covers hoping they won’t find me and praying that the thin blankets are enough to protect me from their troubling presence.
I hear the doorbell ring. It’s 2:00am. I hear the neighbor’s dog barking. More of them are coming in. I start to cry. The fear is deep in my heart. It aches. I won’t be able to stop them alone.
There is a loud crash as something breaks downstairs. I cringe. My doorknob rattles. I locked it but that doesn’t always stop them. Often I come home from work to find that my drawers have been searched. Much of my jewelry has gone missing over the previous months. My refrigerator is always empty no matter how much food I buy.
I hear a tapping on my window pane. It’s him again. Wearing my Winnie the Pooh pajamas, I throw off my covers and march over to the window to see him hovering outside my bedroom. His skin is pale and his long fangs glisten in the moonlight.
“Let me in.” He whispers. His eyes are mesmerizing. His jet-black hair is slicked back to his scalp.
“Fine. I yell. Come in. The front door is open.”
He smiles wickedly and vanishes.
I hear screams downstairs. I quickly grab a pack of belongings I’d prepared and unlatch the window to sneak away. I brush away the garlic and crosses that cover the window sill.
No matter who wins, I’ll be long gone. Most people would bet on the vampire. But even the living dead are not as horrifying as my deadbeat bloodsucking in-laws. I put the stakes at dead-even.
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Three years ago I was told I had Colon Cancer.I cried like any normal person would,I had to have surgery and chemotheraphy. Before my surgery began I told my daughters that I will beat it,thank God.But let me tell you It was a very scary experience for me and my family.Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike:
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Ronald Kurt says:
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MAKE ME THE WINNER OF THIS CONTEST.Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike:
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sarah woods says:
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The scariest was when I was broadsided by a car that did not stop at the stop sign. Ran through a stop sign going about 112 miles per hour. Threw hands up when headlights were right on us ” My God wer’re fixing to be hit!!!!!!!!!” BAM//CRASHPoorly-rated. Like or Dislike:
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Gary Green says:
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I would love to win this prize.Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike:
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My friends and I were searching the background of some farm land that my friend had purchased. Weird things were going on (or so he claimed) when he was alone at night. So, we girls set out to show him how “silly” his fear was. We went to the Courthouse and found out that a man who had lived there in the mid 1800s had killed his wife with a shovel and then drowned both of his children in a watering trough and then had gone out to a tree, which was still standing by the way, and hung his self. So, we decided to have a get together and use a Ouija Board to tell this dude to leave our friend alone. Some really spooky things happened while we were using the Ouija Board. Then the dog snuck under the table and bit one of the guys. He jumped like satan hisself had got him. Well, we all laughed our hiney’s off!! So, we we put the Ouija Board away in a bedroom with the door shut. and when we all got up the next day and opened the bedroom door…. there was thousands of flies in there! They seemed to be based around that Ouija Board!! It still has me puzzled today!Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike:
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Hmmm…jaw discoloration doesn’t sound too terrible, but jaw disLOCation does!!!!
Angi’s last blog post..Valentine’s Day and Macro Settings
Finally! A diagnosis AND treatment for my problem! Check it out…
Harmonica’s Disorder
Cause: lack of beer
Symptoms: vague gullibility, dolphin noises, sudden headaches, urine color changes
Cure: sleep
I don’t *click* mind the urine color *click* changes, but the dolphin *click click* noises tend to *click* irritate everyone *click click click* else.
I have Stephanie’s Lurgy from lack of cheese.
Cause: lack of cheese
Symptoms: black eyes, food cravings, vomiting, occasional breast pain
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Since the side effects cause black eyes and vomiting, I’m definitely going to up my intake. Of course, I eat a pound or so already which might be why I don’t throw up or have black eyes
I wonder why comment luv doesn’t love me any more.
oh I’ll never stop gettin’ jiggy wit it! syndrome’s be damned!!
btw, my diagnosis–Chat Blanc’s Syndrome
Cause: hot weather
Symptoms: revolving neck, ankle swelling, talking like a pirate
Cure: fire
isn’t a revolving neck sorta possessed Reaganish from the Exorcist?
chat blanc’s last blog post..Times have changed, evidently
I can’t dance so I’m safe. Phew. However, it appears that rats are a problem…
April’s Syndrome.
Cause: spread by rats
Symptoms: occasional flacidity, frequent anger, vague water retention, drooling
Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
I don’t know about the flacidity (sp), but I am almost always bloated and usually wake up in a puddle of drool in the morning. Some people think I’m quick to anger but I don’t think so. I think for the most part I’m pretty calm… WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T AGREE WITH ME? WELL SCREW YOU! *hurls chair across room*
hmm. Better check my building for invisible rats…
I have: Daisy the Curly Catosis
Cause: Too much sleep
Symptoms: invisibility, brain swelling, steam whistling from ears, sudden demoniacal visions
Cure: Exercise
Well, I did notice I was invisible once, so maybe it is really accurate.
I enjoy dancing, but I do not know any modern songs. My best dance song is the Hokey Pokey.
Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Fashion Friday: How to Wear a Pashmina
It appears that I have been diagnosed with Absepa’s Syndrome:
Cause: Egyptian curse
Symptoms: belching, sleepwalking, drooling
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
Well, I have had problems with sleepwalking the past, and I drool a lot when I sleep. At least I try not to be too rude with the belching.
As far as dance music goes, I’m going to admit something here that usually causes heaps of abuse to be flung upon my head: I love disco. There, I said it. I know that, musically, it’s basically garbage. But it’s what makes me want to shake my booty.
absepa’s last blog post..Notes from the State of Emergency
No MC Hammer on your playlist, JD? I’m disappointed.
Tiggy’s last blog post..Guest Poster – Eddie McMayonnaise on Television!
Beetle’s Syndrome.
Cause: lack of salt in diet
Symptoms: deafness, bad poetry, hand numbness
Cure: trepanning
I can accept those symptoms – who’s gonna donate their head?
JD I think yours is far worse! Dislocated jaw!! That sound very Zombyish to me!
Babs – beetle’s last blog post..Look what we got!
Oh I like this one best!
Babsosis.
Cause: computer virus
Symptoms: crying, earache, impotence, foaming at the mouth
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
Babs – beetle’s last blog post..Look what we got!
hi jd, well…i am glad to know my disease has a name, puglette’s syndrome. i am sad to see that the cause is just one of those things. my symptoms include anxiety, terror and ankle swelling. the cure??wake up and realize it was all a dream. ooof! i only wish i could wake up!! i do wish my cure was sleep, i am really tired!
and jd, i think your symptom is jaw dislocation,not discoloration. so your jaw may suddenly move but it will not change color.
(
sorry, a color changing jaw sounded so cool! i would hope mine would turn a lovely spring green instead of the blotchy pink it always is.
)
hugs and happy friday!
puglette
Puglette’s last blog post..Pug Poem
Bad luck! You are suffering from Natural’s Disease.
Cause: drug abuse
Symptoms: double-jointedness (i’d like to think this was a perk), hallucinations (matter of opinion), frequent bowel movements (thank the lord), mild (more like paranoid) hypochondria
Cure: none.
Valerie’s disease was boring. I like Natural’s disease better. Heck that’s my life right now. I don’t do drugs unless you count overdosing on Benadryl,then I do do drugs.
Dance music? Janet Jackson has me covered. I don’t understand what the heck she’s saying but her beats are always hot.
Natural’s last blog post..Roll Call
I’m afraid it’s bad news. You are suffering from Cardiogirl’s Disorder.
Cause: mosquito bite
Symptoms: vague suicidal thoughts, lust, sudden wrist pain, mauve blood
Cure: exercise
I knew exercise was good for the mind, body and soul. Power up the elliptical! And what’s wrong with mauve blood?
Um, where’s Cheryl Lynn’s “Got to be Real”?
What you find-ah
What you feel now
Oh yeah, feel the burn. That song helps me boost my average strides per minute by at least 10-20 strides. If I put that song on repeat maybe I could kick Murial’s ass at the Y (the old lady, remember her?)
cardiogirl’s last blog post..The book of questions, Volume 27
No way was I gonna allow a stranger to diagnose me when I’m on a crusade to evade truth in all it’s forms myself. So I entered in one of my several aliases and I’ll be damned if this person/entity didn’t STILL get it right! My quandary, my fix (hmm those words mean the same thing in a different context):
Bad luck! You are suffering from
Dumb dumbosis.
Cause: caught in hospitals
Symptoms: déjà vu, shivering, vomiting, déjà vu
Cure: smoke four cigarettes with meals
To paraphrase our new president: if there’s anyone out there who still doubts that the internet isn’t enriching our life, this is your proof……
Angi: Yeah, I agree. I can handle a discolored jaw, as long as the color is flattering to my skin tone.
Jeff: Awesome! I think you sound adorable. And what color IS your urine, anyway. Is it like a mood ring—red when you’re angry, purprle when you’re passionate, etc?
Stephanie Barr: “Lurgy”? What’s that? I wish some doctor would tell me to eat more cheese, especially if that cheese is accompanied by macaroni and bacon. But that’s a different disease.
chat blanc: Are you going to pursue that fire cure? Let me know if it works. Revolving neck sounds painful and definitely possessed Reaganish. Talking like a pirate could also fall into that category.
April: OUCH! I hope you’re painting a black cross on your front door, too. Do you drool while venting your frequent anger? That could be dangerous.
Daisy the Curly Cat: I’ve heard of Catosis; I didn’t realize there was a specific “Daisy the Curly” strain. Thank you for contributing a dance song! I love The Hokey Pokey too, if only because I get to jump all about. I hope the steam whistling from your ears doesn’t keep everyone awake.
absepa: There are some disco songs I quite like. Does “Stars on 45″ count? Oh, and “Disco Inferno” and actually quite a lot of Bee Gees. There goes my booty!
Tiggy: That song “Can’t Touch It” is something of an homage, maybe . . .?
Babs – beetle: No, discolored jaw! Well, that sounds zombie-ish, too, actually. Look, if you really want to be cured forever of Beetle’s Syndrome, you’re going to have to use your own head. It will hardly hurt at all. But if you decide instead you have Babsosis (a much cooler name), I’d just sit tight.
Puglette: Oh, geez! Why did I read “discolored”? Maybe my disease is worse than I thought. I think I’ll continue to pretend it’s discolored. That’s funnier to me. I’m sorry you got stuck with a boring disease. Maybe you should try a different name? HAPPY FRIDAY!
Natural: You’re right about Janet Jackson. I may have to peruse iTunes. As for Natural’s Disease, it really doesn’t sound too bad. Which is good, since there is apparently no cure.
cardiogirl: THANK YOU! I’ve meant to d/l “Got to be Real.” That’s a great one. Mauve blood seems pretty cool—just think how dramatic you’d look if you cut yourself in front of a bunch of people. No comment on the lust?
Save Money Tips: Well said. I feel so much more enriched after discovering this online doctor. Now, get busy smoking!
Oh fun:
Reg’s Syndrome.
Cause: cursed amulet
Symptoms: enlarged liver and spleen, dry rot, feverishness
Cure: attempt to repeat cause
I LOVE the cure… but uh… what on earth is dry rot?
Anyway, keep on dancin’ girl.
and btw, you’ve been tagged.
I have: Beatlesosis.
Cause: falling over
Symptoms: slightly low blood pressure, vomiting blood, tongue forking, excessive smell of brimstone
Cure: exercise
Anyway I still love the beatles and you keep dancing!
Yay dancing!!! I’ve never really heard of any of those songs but Just Dance… And I know another song called Bounce. It’s by The Cab. They’re pretty cool.
Well, I’ve been diagnosed with dancing before. It was definatly worth it.
Regan’s last blog post..My Cat, Tooty
Congratulations! You are suffering from
Regan’s Disorder.
Cause: caught in hospitals
Symptoms: guilt, grunting, ankle swelling, frequent terror
Cure: none
Why do I have no cure? That’s not fair….. Maybe it actually means if I DO nothing, I’ll be cured.
Regan’s last blog post..My Cat, Tooty
I’m glad I’m not the ONLY person who knows about the song “Suzie” by Boy Kill Boy. I think it’s a lot of fun! Good mix.
Brandon’s last blog post..C’est La Vie – B*Witched
An illness? Ah, that’s easy. I’ve got:
Cubiclcitis
Cause: A new office = The Hawg gets pulled out of his huge, plush office and jammed into a damned cubicle.
Symptoms: Mood swings ranging from barely-repressed anger to blatant hostility; loss of productivity; not giving a damn.
Cure: Pulling that law license out of the mothballs and going back to my former profession of being a loud-mouthed, swaggering bully.
Oh, yeah!
The Hawg!’s last blog post..Fun with license plates
hey JD,
1. I want to change my name to Jeff.
2. I thought what Tiggy said before I read it. I was going to ask about MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice though.
3. Cool website, but it doesn’t care for me…
Steve’s Disorder.
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: grey skin, drooling, extreme restlessness, shouting
Cure: prayer
I’ve been putting my faith in toothpaste. I guess I’ve been wrong.
~ Steve, the wish-I-was-Jeff trade show guru
Trade Show Guru’s last blog post..Trade Show Zombies
Thanks goodness you’re willing to do the dancing. I certainly wouldn’t want warts and rashes and whatnot. I’m scary enough without any additional help, thank you very much.
fragileheart: Dry rot, I think, is something that normally happens to wood, so I would recommend getting a second opinion.
Win jackpot: Yes! Don’t give up the Beatles, for crying out loud, even tho those symptoms sound rather serious.
Regan: I’ll check out The Cab’s version of Bounce. The other one is pretty hardcore. Whatever that means!
As for your disease, I’d seek a second opinion. I’m sure you can learn to live with guilt, ankle swelling, and frequent terror, but grunting? No one should have to deal with that.
Brandon: “Talk, talk to Suzie!” Yes, it’s a great song, as is “Killer (Demo)” or something like that. Woo!
The Hawg!: Wow! Tho I wouldn’t normally advise anyone to make a self-diagnosis, you sound like you’ve got things under control. Cubiclcitis sounds serious indeed. But I wonder what the side effects of being a loud-mouthed, swaggering bully might be?
Trade Show Guru: I’m sorry you got a crappy disease. So far, Jeff’s disease wins hands-down. Are you going to start praying to see if it will cure you? “Can’t touch this!”
pet snakes: Yikes! Snakes! OK. Are you the kind that eats moths and bats? If so, welcome. Now, don’t you even dance if there’s a snake charmer around?
Nice….I’m hearing Ricky Martin as I write this. Unfortunately, I have 2 left feet.
Grog’s last blog post..Global Population Growth
Disco Duck Syndrome. It’s bad, I tell you, bad. That’s what I’ve got and had for a while. Once a while I get Funky too.
unfinished rambler’s last blog post..Unholy Rollin’
You are suffering from Kathyosis.
Cause: overconsumption of burgers How does that site know I actually have this disease? Freaky!
Symptoms: leaning at 45 degrees, face blurring when photographed, chest hair growth, hovering Uh-oh. Hovering is the worst of them all.
Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream Then why do I have burger grease dripping down my chin?
I’m scared of that site. I’m not going back.
Rubberband Man? Did you just throw that in there to see if anyone actually read the list?
Kathy’s last blog post..Kathy Gets Lost Again, Sorta
JD: I’ve been wondering what’s been wrong with me lately.
I’m suffering from MomZombie Disorder
cause: stress (well, duh!)
symptoms: squeaky voice (thought it was rats), vague pyromania (do you have a match?), bushy eyebrows (schedule wax job, stat.) and sniffing (too much smoke exposure)
Cure: Fresh air (schedule flight to Alaska)
MomZombie’s last blog post..I’m wondering
Nice, I reccomend grabbing a pint and dancing to “Home For A Rest” from Spirit of the West. Wicked tune!
Mike’s last blog post..Teenage Alcohol Treatment
@JD – Bats might make the menu, but not bugs. Even snakes have standards.
It’s just as I feared. You are suffering from
Lola’s Disorder.
Cause: poor hygiene (no wonder I have no friends!)
Symptoms: shoulder pain, chills, mildly grey skin (I have always had shoulder pain since my bone spur. I always look a bit pale, I thought that was just my Irish heritage, but I didn’t think I looked grey!)
Cure: exercise (exercise cures poor hygiene? doesn’t it make you sweat/smell?)
Since my disorder was so depressing, (I stink!) I thought I would look up my partner, Anastasia’s. Here it is:
Bad luck! You are suffering from
Anastasia’s Syndrome.
Cause: early mornings (HELL YES! You do not want to be around her early mornings. OMG! Better to sleep til afternoon to avoid. Lol!)
Symptoms: ankle swelling, extra legs, excessive electric shocks, mild spontaneous combustion (Just what is “mild” spontaneous combustion? Isn’t any sort of spontaneous combustion bad?)
Cure: eat more celery (Oh I don’t think that’s going to happen. Not unless it’s smothered in French Onion Dip. And even then, only for the Super Bowl or holidays.)
Lola’s last blog post..Computer Advice Needed
Finally, a way for me to eat more cupcakes!
Ted | Flowers’s last blog post..Sending flowers online
Oh my, who wouldn’t have euphoria from sex? Easy cure too so I can do the horizontal bop and then have a glass of water. Cool!
Good lord! You are suffering from
Ettarose’s Lurgy.
Cause: sexually transmitted
Symptoms: scaly skin, mild euphoria, rosy cheeks, slightly hairy legs
Cure: drink lots of water
unfinished rambler: Oooh, “Funky” with a capital “F” is definitely something to take seriously. As for Disco Duck Syndrome, did you find yourself shaking your tailfeather a lot?
Grog: 2 left feet are perfect for dancing! You just keep spinning around and around in the same direction forever.
Kathy: Rubberband Man is AWESOME! Just play it and see if you can sit still. Poor Kathy. That site is indeed able to look into your very soul. It sees the burgers you eat and the harm they do (HOVERING!) Still, I would ignore it. Cheeseburgers were created by angels. There’s no way they would hurt us.
MomZombie: Well, there you go! I’m glad you were able to get such an easy diagnosis. The sniffing and pyromania do seem related. And squeaky voices are cute! At least in cartoons . . .
Mike: I am checking that out right now. Thanks for the recommendation! (And the pint—cheers!)
pet snakes: Well, I’m happy to hear that. And even happier that snakes eat bats. PLEASE get to Jamaica before my vacation next year and eat all the bats. Thank you my friendly snake.
Lola: HA! I had to laugh at “mild spontaneous combustion.” Maybe that’s when just your arm or leg goes off in a puff. Does Anastasia like celery with peanut butter? As for your symptoms, it didn’t say you actually stink, did it? Maybe the exercise clears out all the side effects of poor hygiene. For shoulder pain, I recommend having a cat of about 15 lbs. sleep on your shoulder. You don’t feel anything after an hour or so.
ettarose: You’re a winner in the game of deadly diseases! I wouldn’t mind this one at all. Scaly skin can easily be fixed with lots of lotion—which goes well with the cause of your disease. Have fun!
Ted | Flowers: If there’s a way to eat more cupcakes in this lifetime, by god I will find it!
I’ll never have your frightening syndrome, as I gave up dancing long ago. However, I do have: David Rochester’s Syndrome
Cause: poor hygiene
Symptoms: sneezing, extreme inability to turn neck, sweating, vague feverishness
Cure: don’t do it again
The really alarming thing is that except for the neck-turning part, that’s a handful of symptoms I do have on a regular basis. And here I always thought I was a model of hygiene.
Baron von Rochester’s last blog post..Random Items in No Particular Order
Yeah, see I went and got a 2nd opinion and it appears the dry rot par is wrong but everything else is pretty accurate. Whew.
fragileheart’s last blog post..These days
If there’s hair and warts ‘n stuff, suddenly “Can’t Touch This” sounds so… appropriate.
Jenn Thorson’s last blog post..The Miss Piggy Sow Landslide of ‘78
You would have to cut both my legs off to stop me from tap dancing.
Gotta dance. GOTTA dance!!!
Baron von Rochester: Well, at some point, we ALL think we’re models of hygiene, only to be proven wrong. In your case, better now than never, right? And be thankful you can turn your neck. That comes in handy when you’re scrubbing your back.
fragileheart: Oh, I am relieved. Dry rot not only sounds bothersome, it sounds . . . embarrassing. Second opinions, everyone! They really do mean something!
Jenn Thorson: HA! Yeah. I don’t think I wanna touch any of you guys (not that I really did before.
Christa: You tap dance? I’m so jealous! Gotta dance! (/Gene Kelly)
My disaease is caused by “cursde Japanese Video” and involves lots of bowel movements. But the worst thing about it is the cure! Excersise! OMG are you trying to kill me? What is that all about? Of course, dancing is excersise so maybe I should just get my booty shaking to “The Safety Dance” or the Go-Go’s “Vacation”. Yup, I was a 20 something bar hopping, dancing fiend during the 80’s. Unfortunately, it’s no longer the 80’s. (I just feel like I’m 80 instead). Keep on dancing, girl!
Preston’s last blog post..Measure For Measure Trailer
Tailfeather? Yes. Too much.
unfinished rambler’s last blog post..I was country when country wasn’t cool
Nice post, i didn’t know you could get something like that from dancing, thats kinda scary. Dont worry though, i’ll keep on dancing, no matter all the weird things that could happen to me. Thanks for the heads up though, that is crazy.
Well we would love to see your some steps of move. So why dont you record it in your camera and share with us as well.
Comeon … getout from the bathing tub at least.
Marietta’s last blog post..Monthly Internet Specials changed
Preston: Lots of bowel movements? What a drag. The word “exercise” itself sucks. That’s why I recommend that everybody just dance, even 80-year-olds, so I’m afraid you have no excuse. “You can dance if you want to . . .”
unfinished rambler: Oh, never too much tailfeather.
Franklin Pest Control: You’re welcome. Dancing is more dangerous than I’d thought, too, but I’ll never stop.
Marietta: HA! Out from the tub?! Your request is very, VERY tempting, my dear!
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: occasional hair growth, being able to fire webs from wrists, occasional confusion, fingernail lengthening
Cure: trepanning
I would kindly request that JD gets trappaned so I don’t have to.
We do a lot of dancing to the Pet Shop Boys here. My kids are obsessed with the “Go West” video. I don’t care to think what that could mean.
Tracy’s last blog post..Oh, did you want me to read that?
Do the D.A.N.C.E
1234, fight!
Stick to the B.E.A.T
Get ready to ignite
You were such a P.Y.T
Catching all the lights
Just easy as A.B.C
That’s how we make it right
Do the Dance (Do the Dance)
The way you move is a mystery
Do the Dance
You’re always there for music and me (x2)
Under the spotlights
Neither black nor white
It doesn’t matter
Do the Dance (do the dance)
As strong as you might
Working day and night
Whatever happens
Do the DANCE (do the dance)
(Justice – cross album)
Ok, I have shaken my groove thing to more than one song from your (super awesome) dance list!
This is embarrassing to me, but when I hear “Womanizer” by Ms. Spears I must get up and seize. lol – I LOVE that song! And Timbaland’s “The Way I Are” always makes my butt shake, as does “Dare” and “Feel Good Inc” by Gorillaz.
If I do not know any of the songs listed here, does that mean I can retire and move to the golf course community???
Eric “Speedcat Hollydale”’s last blog post..Chocolates, Roses, Yadda Yadda
Ohhh wait! …Let’s Groove: Earth Wind and Fire
Guess I will be going to work tomorrow
Eric “Speedcat Hollydale”’s last blog post..Chocolates, Roses, Yadda Yadda
If you’re a not-so-good dancer, you might want to make sure your roommate isn’t secretly recording you and putting the videos up on YouTube.
Especially if you sing along and
really get into it…
dcr’s last blog post..What Speedcat Has Been Begging For!
I just noticed that box to type in me name in LOL. Apparently, I have a case of
Jafferitis.
Cause: the wrong type of snow
Symptoms: itching, mild sore throat, dementia
Cure: eat more bees
Wrong type of snow ? What an excuse for dementia ! LOL.
Jaffer’s last blog post..“On Air”
Tracy: I don’t make this suggestion lightly, but maybe you should have your kids’ heads treppaned to cure that Pet Shop Boy fixation. On a lighter, what IS the “wrong kind of snow”?
olivia: Wow! Lyrics and everything! I just listened to the snippet of that song on iTunes, and it’s a download! Thanks for the suggestion.
Corrina: WOO! I am taking note of all your butt-shaking suggestions. I have nothing against ANYone who can get my groove thang moving—not even my Cheetoh-loving friend, Britney.
Eric “Speedcat Hollydale”: Not so fast . . . YES! Who doesn’t love “Let’s Groove”? I’m sorry you have to go to work after all, but at least you can do so with a good funky tune running thru ya head.
dcr: Uh-huh . . . so what keywords should we be using to find this video of . . . someone dancing on YouTube?
Jaffer: There’s that “wrong type of snow” again. Just where are you people buying your drugs? Not on the street I hope.
Oh ! Now that you mention it, just this evening when I was waiting for the bus home, a punk approaches me and asks me I I want free weed !
Perhaps, the number of times I blew my nose into a tissue was his signal ?
Jaffer’s last blog post..Purple Saturday: Doors
Jaffer: YES! Those bus-stop punks watch people carefully, and if you blow your nose more than 3 times, they swoop in. I hope you said no.