No selection was clipped for this page.
Loading...
The Male-O-Drome: 15 Things Men Lose to Relationships
- SU
- fb
While on the whole, relationships are universally recognized as a good thing, and strived for, there are certain drawbacks that must be equally recognized. The fact is that men literally live two different lives; there’s the single man, and then there is the committed man. Men are usually forced to go through both stages several times before finally settling into one or the other, but the two lifestyles are distinct. These 15 freedoms make up the basic framework of those things we lose when transitioning between the single life, and finally committing to that long sought-after relationship.
Games and Toys
This one is especially painful, so much so that many men start weaning themselves off random gadgetry while still single in an attempt to minimize future losses. You like motorcycles? They’re too dangerous. You want six different gaming consoles? You’ll be lucky if she lets you keep just one. Toys are for boys, men spend their money on more sensible things, like Volvo’s and kitchen appliances.
Hanging Out With the Guys
It can be heard echoing around the halls of many a tap-room: “Another good man gone.” When men are with women, they’re completely with them. There’s just no way out of it, in order to really cement a committed relationship, a man must spend time with his woman, and that time is generally the same time his friends want to hang out. When he does finally have time to hang out, his friends are either at work or sleeping for once. This is a sad fact of life. Get used to being the third wheel while your girl chats it up with her bff from work. Oh, and all the cosmo’s are on you too, so bring your wallet.
Your Work Focus
One of the nice things about being single that gets noticed is success at work. If you’ve got no significant other to preoccupy yourself with, then you are able to completely pour yourself into your work, entirely without any negative consequences. Your bank account will swell and your boss will love you; your family and friends all see what a success you are, you’re the go-to guy at the company. Enter your love interest. Oh how quickly things change…
Keeping Your Own Schedule
You haven’t had to follow somebody else’s schedule since you were in grade school, but that changes when you get yourself a girlfriend. It’s just not kosher to run around until three in the morning when she’s at home waiting for you, and skipping dinner won’t work either. Get used to a bit more structured schedule than what you’re used to.
No Drama, No Arguments
The only arguments you might have single are probably with your best friend over which movie Monica Bellucci hottest in, or what beer tastes better. That’s not how life in a relationship is. There are fights all the time, and they’re usually over nothing.
Having Money
This is a no-brainer. We may live in a modern society, but let’s face it, some things just don’t change. Men have more money when they’re single, it’s a fact, that’s all there is too it. Get a girlfriend, spend more money, a lot more. It’s up to you to decide how much is too much, but if you’re like most of us, that line gets crossed pretty regularly, and with a smile on your face.
Getting Lucky
Even if you do manage to get some time out on the town with the guys every now and then, it just won’t be like it used to be. There will be text messages or phone calls, and you’ll have to return them. You won’t be anxious about the possibilities, because you already know how the night will end. You may not even be out that long, since keeping it responsible means keeping it down to just a couple of beers. Things just aren’t like they used to be anymore.
Random Travel on a Whim
Feel like taking a few well-earned sick days this week and grabbing the cheapest discount round-trip flight out of here? That kind of spontaneity gets girls to notice you, but it doesn’t fly anymore when one of them becomes a permanent fixture in your life. The random road-trips, the hosteling in Europe, the weekends on your buddy’s couch in Denver, it all comes to an end when you share a bed.
Eating Whatever You Want
Cold pizza for breakfast, three energy drinks by lunch, and a double cheese before you hit the bar may be an average Wednesday now, but that’s going to change. You’ll be lucky to keep coffee in your morning agenda, as you’ll be submitted to every form of tofu-laden, green tea enhanced torture that your new squeeze can come up with. The only burgers you may be seeing will be tofurkey. You could keep the good stuff if you rope a chick who appreciates the food men love, but she’s probably not going to fit in the size zero panties you want on your floor.
Decorating Your Own Place
It’s become a goal of every woman to someday conquer and renovate a man cave, a phrase they’ve proliferated in their merciless quest to further Ikea’s dominance across the globe. The countless man-hours you’ve spent collecting the perfect eclectic mix of nonsense materials to give your place that touch of you will be stripped of all character and whitewashed into art deco oblivion the moment her toothbrush hits your sink.
Sleeping Whenever, and Wherever You Want
You won’t have the luxury of passing out on any flat surface within sight anymore once a woman enters your life. You will be all but required to sleep with her, where she sleeps, when she sleeps, for as long as she sleeps. No more sleeping in, unless she wants to, and no more night-owling either. Nocturnal gamers rue the day they finally acquire a girlfriend, as those kinds of hours aren’t for respectable couples.
Interest in Physical Fitness
You probably keep yourself in pretty good shape while single and on the prowl, since you kind of need to. Since being physically attractive is probably about 90% responsible for success in the dating game, it’s only natural that you attempt to keep yourself in check. Unfortunately, the first thing to go when you’ve got a girl is your physique. It’s tough to keep that will-power when she’s telling you that you’re cute with that double bacon cheeseburger and chocolate malt.
Drinking All Day
Waking up at seven in the morning to a shot of bourbon is no longer an option when in a relationship. You can still drink, but the purpose behind that drinking is different now — it used to be in an overall attempt to get laid, and now it’s just part of socializing, and has a very low cap placed on it. Your drinking days are effectively over, unless you scored a lush, in which case you’re both going to end up in rehab.
Dressing Any Way You Want, and Still Getting Chicks to Flirt With You
Mismatched argyle socks and ironic t-shirts with blazer combinations may get you results now, while you wander in and out of bars freely, but you’re in for a surprise if you think your new girlfriend is going to let you get away with that for long. Sure, she thought it was cute at first, but she’s not about to let you meet her parents dressed like that.
Picking Your Own Music, TV Shows, and Movies
It’s one of those things that most men just don’t think about —
until it’s too late. The music we listen to while driving those
long trips out of town, the TV shows we watch every week,
our favorite movies, they all fall victim. Your
girlfriend will quickly gain control of the remote control, and she
will always have her favorite song of the moment playing in the
car. When the newest movie based on a comic you loved as a kid
comes out this summer, you can wave to its poster while you’re
dragged into the new Twilight installment by your loving
other half.
Reader Comments
-
Chris September 29, 2009 - 3:33 pm
yes, yes, yes, yes, yes & yes
chix = end-of-life
-
Natasha September 29, 2009 - 6:58 pm
Grow the fuck up. I’ve happily been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two years, and I’m not guilty of anything on this list. I love video and computer games just as much as he does, we often go out to see friends without each other, and I love drinking any time of the day, to name a few things!
Also, to the other commenter, if girls = end of life, then be happy being single for the rest of your days. Or gay.
-
lolwat September 30, 2009 - 6:44 am
lmfao @ natasha
of course the female will disagree, she’s getting everything her way.
the guy being miserable with a smile on his face to the girl is a happy relationship. you stupid female.
-
John September 30, 2009 - 6:49 am
Natashais bitching at the author, reinforcing his point. Women LOVE TO bitch at men. We know. That’s why we try to score with as many as possible before getting stuck with the one we’ll end up divorcing later. It’s lessons in life really…
And this isn’t about the girl’s opinion about entering a relationship so shut up.
-
joe jr September 30, 2009 - 6:58 am
get over it. this is the price for regular nookie. pay up or shut up
-
sweetbearies September 30, 2009 - 8:29 am
Very interesting article. Guess it will make some men want to be single lol.
-
John Davis September 30, 2009 - 8:31 am
Wow, random travel is SO kewl. Did that over the summer to Bangkok and had the time of my life!
-
frank September 30, 2009 - 8:35 am
@joe jr., it’s much cheaper, less of a headache, and you actually get to do the things YOU enjoy if you employ the services of professionals.
-
John Davis September 30, 2009 - 8:39 am
One thing to be observed is that recent studies show that the most successful entrepreneurs are usually married and have an average of 2 kids. Does that mean that if you are single, you’ll work for someone all your life? :)
-
noyes September 30, 2009 - 8:39 am
this should be renamed “15 things he-bitches lose to relationships”
-
bruce September 30, 2009 - 8:41 am
y’all need to grow some balls and/or get better women. stop being so lazy and dump your chick. then, find one that doesn’t ruin your life.
but, if you’re on the other side of things and tried way too hard to get a chick. sorry you wasted part of your life for nothing.
-
Just A Girl September 30, 2009 - 8:41 am
I’d tend to disagree with these statements. Yeah, I think it’s true that you’re going to change your schedule for youy guy/irl, but personally as the girl in my relationship I’m the big gamer(I’ve spent hours playing oblivion while my boyfriend goes and does something else), I hang out with my buddies, I like staying out late, and I have NO problem with my guy having a social life. Why would I want him to hang out with me all the time? I’ve got a career in mind and I can’t pursue it while hanging out whispering sweet nothings all the time.
My feeling is if you’ve gotten yourself into a relationship with a whiny, prissy type of girl you just haven’t found the right girl. I hope you all do, too. It seems like a pretty sorry state of affairs if everyone is in these kinds of relationships.
-
Sgt_Jake September 30, 2009 - 8:42 am
Regular nookie? Yes. It’s regular. It’s not frequent, and it’s not that wild-monkey-sex you used to get from those random girls you picked up at the bar, but it’s regular. Like a bowel movement.
This list made me cry a little bit inside. You bastards. Spot on. I miss that couch in Denver (for real), Independance Day and Braveheart on the weekends, and midnight game-fests. Off to sneak a drink.
-
Phaoloo September 30, 2009 - 8:42 am
Really like all the thoughts here.
-
Shaun September 30, 2009 - 8:42 am
Some yes and some no to varying degrees. For the sake of comedy it’s a classic list. Don’t forget that not all people fit into sitcom friendly stereotypes. That said, the drama and the schedule are a given. Welcome to loveland.
-
Janet September 30, 2009 - 8:43 am
I shouldn’t worry pet, with your out dated, misogynistic views I doubt you’ll be in danger of a proper relationship any time soon.
-
Jimmy September 30, 2009 - 8:43 am
Yeah that random travel stuff doesn’t go over anymore. Sure, she says it’s okay to take a 5 day jaunt to London on a whim, but I can see the fire ignite in her eyes. 5 minutes later I can see a tantrum brewing…So yup, no more of those!
-
Ria September 30, 2009 - 8:44 am
Lol.
Honestly, I think it depends on the person you are with. Obviously things will change but not necessarily for the worse. If you are dating a woman with serious self-confidence issues then it is more likely that you will find yourself being her trophy when with her friends or always broke and fighting. I’m not going to lie, I think high maintenance woman should eat shit.
Today’s society is about being independent, no matter if you are man or woman. If your relationship ends up like this, then you should either be single or find a woman who is on your level of awesomeness.
Things have definitely changed for me in my relationship. My man doesn’t like the club scene, but I do. In an effort to compromise I go out to the movies instead or to a local bar with him and friends. He has a love for MMOs so I put some time into that now as well. I like museums and art, so he takes me to those places when he can. Most importantly, we split all costs down the middle like rent and utilities. We even take turns to cook for each other, sometimes cooking means take-out or McDonalds. Lol.My advice: find yourself someone you can work with, not yield to. Or just worry about yourself and thats it.
-
Dewey September 30, 2009 - 8:44 am
The best we can hope for is to maintain our manhood:
http://jackgoesforth.blogspot.com/2009/09/things-im-doing-to-maintain-my-manhood.html -
Bats September 30, 2009 - 8:51 am
Hmmm, guess i hit the jackpot then. Mine is a gamer, loves my cooking/food choices, encourages my alcoholism, likes my friends, mocks the “Twilight” bitches, watches Top Gear, and still fits into that size 0
-
Miss Cellania September 30, 2009 - 8:53 am
Looks like you haven’t found the right woman yet. No need to give up what’s important to you. I don’t mind my husband eating leftover pizza while the rest of us have homemade lasagna. He can stay fit if he wants to. He controls the TV and has his mancave. He can keep his own schedule (he’s asleep right now). And he can get lucky any time he wants …with me!
-
evo1 September 30, 2009 - 9:06 am
….been married 6 years and laughed heartily on this one. some points were kind of sophomoric, but most of them were true…especially, the one about your place being decorated with art deco, or in my case, art novueau. luckily, my wife lets me travel whimsically (for surf) and let’s me have guys only nightd and drinking binges if i’d like.
it comes down to shedding your selfishness while not losing your individuality; and it takes compromise in a healthy relationship.
-
Jay September 30, 2009 - 9:08 am
This list is probably highly accurate if you are picking women for their “size zero panties” and nothing else. Yes, if your idea of a relationship is basically a long term prostitution agreement with a girl who is slightly out of your league (and knows it) you are in for all of this and more. Why don’t you find a girl you actually love, who will actually love you back? Sure, you can’t avoid the drama, and the getting lucky is probably off the table, but if you are with a woman who actually values you for you, she will compromise on a lot of this stuff. Just stand up for yourself and keep your balls.
-
SoontoBeDivorcedDude September 30, 2009 - 9:10 am
@Bats
I’d check REAL close for an adams apple and the hormone therapy bottles. :)
I gotta say a lot of things ring true here. Except the size zero panties..
-
The Girlfriend September 30, 2009 - 9:11 am
I have to agree with the girls who posted…my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 8 years and he’s never missed anything on this list. He still stays up all night playing games, still goes out to see his buddies without me, still crashes on their couches and goes on trips without me. And I don’t think I’ve ever even suggested he eat tofu. When movies like “Inglorious Basterds” come out I’m just as excited to see them as he is and we hardly ever disagree on music since we’re both metal fans. I play Warcraft with him, I don’t make him watch “girl” movies, I rarely ask him to dress any differently than he would on his own, and he goes to the gym almost every day. And for the first 7 years of our relationship I paid for almost everything…he’s only just now begun to pay when we go out, now that he graduated and has a job with Oracle…which I’m not ruining either. And I may not fit in a size 0, but my ass J-Lo-esque and isn’t meant for anything smaller than a 4 anyway (I wear a 6 and eat more pizza than he does, if you really need to know). While I know there are girls out there who have done each and every one of those things to a guy, I have to assert that not all girls are that way. Hang in there boys…there are girls out there who will love you and Halo and beer, and will have sex with you at least once a week. Douchebags who like to pretend the women they so desperately want are actually the devil, however, will sadly be lonely for quite some time, I’m afraid.
-
Anonymouse September 30, 2009 - 9:11 am
I dunno, maybe it’s more that you guys ended out with shitty girls. Mine hasn’t really done any of these things to me…in fact.
-I have more game consoles and computers than before I was with her. Something that she personally has added to.
-She has actually MADE me hang out with my guy friends ‘you really shouldn’t ignore them you know, what if we ever broke up?’
-My work focus has always been shit, it’s better now because I need to be successful for her.
-I’ve never had my own schedule, ever.
-There is always drama and arguments, bring up religion or ‘how awesome Obama is/George W. was’ around your friends and see what happens. Or shit, make a statement about which game console is superior.
-I got a job since being with her, I have more money. Also she makes money too.
-She has actually suggested that if I have the opportunity to get lucky that I take advantage of it, and I have. She was more interested to know if there was anything the girl did that she could do to make our sex lives better.
-I’ve traveled more since I met her than ever before in my life, she loves to travel.
-She eats what she wants already and has actually exposed me to a number of things that I had never tried before.
-I have my decorations, she has hers, they’ve kinda merged but we both have our own spaces.
-I hate sleeping, I can do that when I’m dead.
-I never worked out a day in my life before I was with her, SHE is the reason that I’m as fit as I am today.
-What kind of a waste of life drinks all day to begin with? Fuck you.
-Good fucking god, you know you can always CHANGE your clothes before you go out.
-This, this I somewhat agree with, I never watched a reality show until I was with her but if I’m not watching that I’m watching ESPN or the news anyway so whatever that’s fine. Compromise is good.tl;dr Those of you agreeing with a joke article are just admitting what shitty taste you have in women. Enjoy your settling for imperfection and future divorce/depression.
-
Nestor September 30, 2009 - 9:13 am
Preach on brother!
-
Jak0shadows September 30, 2009 - 9:19 am
haha it was funny even though very untrue.
-
your mother September 30, 2009 - 9:22 am
all this rules apply… if you’re pussy whipped..
grow some balls and do whatever you like (inside the logical stuff) if she complains, dump her… -
sweetbearies September 30, 2009 - 9:23 am
Hey I am a woman and I see the attraction of remaining single. There is nothing compelling enough that makes me want to get married, so I can respect men who want to be single and enjoy their life. I may not enjoy the above activities, but I relish having lots of free time myself!
-
joe September 30, 2009 - 9:25 am
so true :(
-
Daniel September 30, 2009 - 9:27 am
LOL! Almost everything is correct…
But… My girlfriend loves to play game with me.
She organizes all my room, she prepares to me anything that i want to eat and anytime.
And the rest… i think is all true, but the price is equal, or better to be with her, so…
Nice article :D
-
Pete September 30, 2009 - 9:30 am
I call bullshit. If men have lost any of these things from a relationship, then you should add your balls to the list too.
-
Sirsowk September 30, 2009 - 9:36 am
Another classic debate of “Which comes first – chicken or egg?”
The writer is entitled to write whatever he wants and his reason can be anything. In our society today, compromising is not a trend and break up/divorce rate is increasing every year. Why is that? You tell me.
-
Erich September 30, 2009 - 9:36 am
I can only confirm this list. Sure, it might take some time, but after a few years, every single item on this list is gone.
-
Amy September 30, 2009 - 9:39 am
This article is complete bullshit. It relies on tired old stereotypes of both men and women that only exist in Vince Vaughn flicks. Whoever wrote it needs to grow up and come out of their post college hangover. College wasn’t like this (who could drink all day and eat pizza for breakfast while ALSO being successful in the workplace and keep in shape?), so stop lusting over the good old days that never even happened in the first place…
-
Dr.K September 30, 2009 - 9:46 am
Anyone who agrees with this is probably under the age of 20 and a virgin…. Or an insufferable douche bag who will live his life in solitude and end it by his own hand…. Just saying.
-
James September 30, 2009 - 9:47 am
to tell you the truth, the only thing on this list that i can recognize with is the phone-calls when out with your friends. any of the others come up it’s tough shit. if your that controlling then f**k you.
-
gitmo September 30, 2009 - 9:52 am
This article reminded me of all that I miss. Single life is the way. Best advice ever. Entrepreneurs are usually married with kids because that’s what makes them want to put in all the work to be successful. To get the hell out of the house.
-
One of these types of girlfriends September 30, 2009 - 9:57 am
I completely agree with this article my bf has changed exactly to fit my needs, but from what he tells me he’s a lot happier this way. He fits my every need and want and I give him comfort, love, and most importantly to a man, good sex. so in our eyes it’s a win win situation.
-
One of these types of girlfriends September 30, 2009 - 9:58 am
I completely agree with this article my bf has changed exactly to fit my needs, but from what he tells me he’s a lot happier this way. He fits my every need and want and I give him comfort, love, and most importantly to a man, good sex. so in our eyes it’s a win win situation. He fits my woman needs and i’ll comply with his “manly” needs.
-
Rob September 30, 2009 - 9:59 am
One-of-these-types…
That’s what I tell my wife too.
-
jeebus September 30, 2009 - 10:01 am
If your a giant puss. this happens toyou.. If you actually have a relationship and not just a thing where you listen to your other all day, then you guys compromise. In all of my relationships, we made compromises.
Main point is, if this is happening to you. Your not in a relationship, your in a dictatorship.
